Millenium Vampire Battle Royale
by lazerbem
Summary: Zorin, Jan, Luke, Tubalcain, and Rip decide to duke it out to see who's the top Nazi vampire! (Warning, this fic has mindless action but no plot)


The Valentine brothers glare at each other, each finally having had enough. No more of dealing with their sibling's annoyances. With a war cry, the two launch themselves at each other...only for a passing Zorin Blitz, Rip Van Winkle, and Tubalcain Alhambra to appear in between them. With a crash, the engineered vampires flop into a pile, tempers reaching their peak. It was time for a death battle!

FIGHT!

Luke reacted first, zipping forward with speed far beyond any of the others. His run was stopped by a tattooed hand covering his face.

"Not so fast, blondie" Zorin snarled, causing the white suited vampire to fall to his knees in terror, her illusions wreaking havoc on the cowardly vampire's psyche. Raising her scythe, Zorin prepared to slice Valentine down the middle. Then her arm lost all feeling. She gave a wail of agony and terror as she saw her scythe arm torn apart by Jan Valentine's twin guns.

"Killing my brother is my job, dumb bitch" Jan sneered while Zorin clutched her ruined arm. The dark skinned delinquent suddenly smiled savagely, licking his lips. "But maybe I can take some time off for a lady" Jan grinned, advancing on Zorin like an animal, a predatory smile on his countenance. Whatever he was going to do was stopped when a bullet from Rip Van Winkle tore through his head and chest, instantly killing the perverted man.

"Vhy von't you just stand still?!" Rip wailed as the Dandyman deflected all of her bullet's attempts to hit him. Jan's death had been the result of the bullet attempting to hit the Brazilian vampire after being deflected.

"You seem angry, mocinha" Tubalcain taunted, keeping a cocky smile on his face as he leaped over the bullet, knowing it would come back for his back. He was a gambler at heart and loved the thrill of risking it all. So he waited until the last possible second before turning around and flinging the Jack of Diamonds at the enchanted projectile. With a crash of energy, the bullet was sliced apart by the playing card.

"N-no..." Rip murmured helplessly, knowing it would take her at least 15 seconds to load in a new shot. Tubalcain briefly considered flinging a card through the soprano's brain, but stopped when he heard the groans of Luke Valentine. He had recovered from Zorin's mental attack. The blondie posed a more immediate threat than the simpering girl in front of him. On that thought, the Dandyman ran for a recovering Luke.

"Okay, just calm down Luke, it was a dream..." Luke talked to himself, struggling to get his breathing under control. He was only just able to gain enough presence of mind to dodge a punch from a white gloved hand. Skidding to a stop from his jump, Luke smirked as he saw the frown on Alhambra's face. "Guess you're just too slow, huh?" Valentine mocked, pulling out a dagger with one hand and a gun with another. With that, he charged the gambler.

Meanwhile, Zorin had been hiding beneath the body of Jan Valentine. An absolutely disgusting place to be, by all means, but it had kept her out of the action while her arm regenerated. She turned her gaze to the brawl between the hatted vampire and the white suited one, evaluating her options. She could enter that brawl...but she would surely lose.

"The vinner is easy pickings" Zorin finally decided, picking up her scythe. At around the same time, Rip had managed to reload her gun after getting over her shock that Alhambra had left her alone for the time being.

"Hehe. I am zhe Huntress. I am immortal" Rip Van Winkle tittered to herself as she pointed the enormous barrel at the dueling pair of Luke and Tubalcain. "None but Samiel can kill me" the singer grinned madly, readying her finger to pull the trigger. She pulled the trigger, or at least tried to. The muscles connected to her finger no longer worked. Actually, her fingers simply weren't there. Her eyes managed to catch the flash of Zorin's scythe, but it didn't seem to register. She just couldn't comprehend it. She was supposed to die to Samiel. Not like this. Not like this.

"Shhh, shhh. Zhe real pain hasn't begun yet!" Zorin smiled sadistically as the eye on her palm opened, delving deep into the black haired vampire's mind. It was almost too easy. Too easy to break Rip Van Winkle like a cheap toy and leave her sobbing on the ground. It was an ending befitting of any opera. "Curtains" Zorin laughed, swinging her scythe through the air. Rip was still for a moment, before her body crumpled...in two separate directions.

By now, Luke and Alhambra had reached a lull in battle. Both stood apart from each other, panting heavily from wounds covering their body. Alhambra was being hit more than his speedy opponent whilst Luke was taking more damage from each hit from the enchanted playing cards.

"Huff, huff...you're pretty good, old man" Luke smirked, referencing his foe's graying hair. Alhambra's face became an expression of anger, as he prepared to throw a Joker card through the heart of Luke.

"I have had enough of your sass" Alhambra snarled, throwing the card at Luke with enormous speed. Luke was even faster. In a flash of white, the American was in Tubalcain's face, a dagger burying itself into Alhambra's chest. Alhambra's hat slowly fluttered to the ground while its master seized from the blade. It had missed his heart by mere inches. If he was allowed some time to breathe, he could regenerate it. But he wasn't being given any by the younger man.

"I believe this is the part where you fold" Luke joked, his gun pointing down Alhambra's throat. Just as his finger reached the trigger, he was rocked backward by an explosion below his feet. A trap! The old geezer had set him up! Luke fell to the ground, unable to get up as his stamina failing him. Even his shot had gone wide and missed the tricky gambler. "No!" Luke screeched pitifully as he saw playing cards surround him. "Please, no! You bastard, don't do it!"

"Always call an opponent's bluff, irmão" the Dandyman spoke coldly, unfeeling to Luke's pitiful whining and begging. With a snap of his fingers, the cards surrounding Luke blasted inward with an explosion of cement and gore. As the dust cleared, Luke's smashed remains painted the floor red, a few chunks of gore still identifiable as human. Zorin chose that moment to strike.

"YOU DAMN FOOL!" Zorin laughed maniacally, leaping forward with her arms extended. She felt her hands clutch his face and saw fear grow on his face. Yes, she had won! Her delight disappeared as the body she was holding fell apart into a storm of paper. The Queen of Hearts fluttered by her head, as if mocking her. She tried to turn around when pain blossomed across her chest. Coughing up blood, the German looked down at the source of the injury. An Ace of Hearts buried through her heart in the hand of the Brazilian.

"The same applies to you, idiota" the Dandyman declared, tearing the card out of Zorin's chest and letting her hopelessly choke on her blood as the unregeneratable wound slowly killed her. With that, the only vampire left standing picked up his hat and placed it back on his head. This suit was ruined from all the blood and he was damn tired after that battle. "Ugh, eu não sou pago o suficiente para esta merda"


End file.
